Often times, you’ll see that I compare my relationship with my kids to my relationship with God. My kids freak out easily, they can be very impatient at times, and they tend to question my judgment on things that I know best about. In the moments when I’m panicked and wondering what God has up his sleeve, I reference my kids and imagine God speaking to me the way I speak to them. “You’re alright”, “It’s going to be okay”, “I know what I’m doing.”
If I see it that way I’m fine. If my mind races past any kind of rational thinking, not even the connection to my kids can help me. I dislike being a blubbering mess. I don’t like feeling lost. Many times during prayer, I find myself crying the way my kids do when they need a nap or when they want a certain color cup. I become dramatic. “But God, I don’t understand!” I have said this many times during my fear takeovers. For me, trusting God is a no-brainer but in moments of struggle, I admit it can be hard.
I’m not going to lie and say I’m always optimistic because I’m not. I fight off fear and anxiety multiple times a week. There’s always something lingering in the back of my mind. It sucks being creative when you’re also anxious. I have come up with so many crazy scenarios of doom in my head that I could probably be a great action or drama screenwriter. I sometimes feel God’s presence as I make up situations in my head. I can picture him telling me to relax. I only ever shrug and tell him he gave me a creative mind so what does he expect.
He expects me to be still, to trust him. I have a hard time trusting my own judgment so when God tells me to trust him when I’m at the edge of a cliff, I find myself searching for a rope, a parachute, or a helicopter to get me out of there asap. Even though I know every hard time I go through is going to build my fate, I would rather skip it most times.
Trusting God isn’t always easy. I don’t always understand what he’s doing. At times I just wish he’d hurry and get me out of certain situations. Like any good parent, God does what’s best for us, whether we know it or not. There have been many times that I’ve had to watch as my kids cried while I clean their booboos. All they think about is the sting not realizing that the thing that causes the sting will help prevent them from getting something more serious(like an infection.) I’ve had to convince my kids, during ER visits, that the treatment they were getting was for their own good. They either trusted me and calmly went along with it or kicked and screamed and still had to go through it.
and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
I can either trust God and go along with his plan or put up a fight and still have to go through the difficult times just a lot more stressed. Truth is, having faith is wild. You hope for something that in the natural seems impossible. Trails and tribulations that seem to hit you back to back can be discouraging but it is better to look to God for help and strength than go it alone. Even when it seems hopeless and makes no sense to continue to believe in something keep the faith and trust that God will be by your side through it all.