faith

Can God sustain us in the waiting?

Encouraging, Faith, Uncategorized

 

When I’m waiting on God for something, there are moments when I get tired. Shocking, right? In all seriousness, I think we all get a little tired now and again especially when we are waiting on something big. Our energy drains and we become overwhelmed by the reality of the situation we are in. 

My children can be impatient sometimes. They want to go go go and my timing isn’t always quick enough for them. They want me to do everything at the speed of light but I’m almost 30 and my knees crack just getting out of bed. I don’t always have the energy to keep up and I’m also guilty of sleeping on the job (of course when they nap…if they nap.)

If you have children, you probably know that they can eat like no tomorrow. My kids can eat way more than me some days. As you can imagine, their lack of patients sometimes spills over to dinner time. They cry and complain about how long the food is taking to be cooked even when I’ve just turned on the stovetop. To help them during the waiting, I tend to offer them a snack. Whatever is quick and can keep them calm, this may include sweets—don’t judge me! By the time dinner is done, no one was overcome by starvation and we all enjoyed our meal.

Did you know in the same way, God sustains us with spiritual food?

 Matthew 4:4  But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
God sustains us.

I too can be impatient when I’m waiting on God. I’m well aware of what he promised me and I know he’s working on it but waiting can be crippling. While I’m not opposed to waiting on the Lord, I do sometimes ask him to sustain me during that time. I need something to hold me off until what he has for me is ready.

Philippians 4:19 says,  “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” God has the ability to sustain us.  It can be hard when going through a difficult situation to want something that will simply hold us over for a little while. We want our breakthroughs, miracles, and promises right away. But that’s not how God works. He chooses to give us what we need in his own timing. Luckily, God doesn’t live us hanging.

At times, how he chooses to sustain us might not be how we imagined it. Sometimes he uses scripture, a person, or a small victory to remind us that he is still with us and moving on our behalf. I can assure you that as much as I want my miracle, getting any kind of reminder that God is still working helps me to keep going.

He’ll sustain us when we worry.

Honestly speaking, I often need God to sustain me mentally. The battle in my mind can be a lot more taxing than what’s going on in reality. Whatever the worse scenario is, I’ve probably already thought about it. I worry and panic. “God I need your help. I need you to calm me down“, have been words I’ve said to God on a few occasions.

Scriptures like John 14:27(Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.) and Isaiah 26:3 (You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You Because he trusts in You.) help me when I feel fear setting in. God doesn’t want us to be afraid, he wants us to trust him.

Our minds need to stay on God so we don’t become overtaken by our worries. If we trust that God can help us in every situation, when we find ourselves in difficult times we won’t be filled with fear. We see from the bible that people like Moses, Paul, and Job were faced with things that tested them mentally and physically but they believed in God’s ability to help them. Even Jesus needed God’s strength to fulfilled his mission.

God will never let us face our problems alone.
 Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Have you ever felt that you were alone in the moments you needed God the most? Maybe he went silent after he convicted you to make a huge life change. Perhaps you felt him call you to a certain job, ministry, or community and in the middle of your transition, you questioned if it was even him because you begin to face conflict.

Scripture reminds us that God is always with us and he will never leave us. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” So when we find ourselves in the middle of chaos and need God’s help, we can simply give him all our worries.

God has the power to sustain us in the waiting. He does it in ways that allow us to know without a doubt that it was him. While it is challenging sometimes, the fact remains that we have a Heavenly Father that is always with us. During our waiting, we can rest assured that we will have everything we need to endure the process. God will not abandon us to our own devices, he is our ever-present help in times of trouble.

If you are in a waiting season, trust that God will sustain you. I hope you found this encouraging and as always, Hugs and Love.

 


When life knocks you down, get back up and fight

Encouraging, Faith

 

Life isn’t easy and that honestly goes without saying. It can take next to nothing for our lives to change. From a simple inconvenience to a traumatic event, anything can send our lives spiraling out of control. I think that’s the hardest for me—the moments where I have no control. It takes a lot of faith for me to walk through seasons of my life that feel like complete chaos.

Life will beat you down.

None of us are exempt from hardship. No matter how kind/good we are, at some point, we find ourselves in some sort of battle. It’ll feel like the wind is knocked out of you and all you’ll want to do is catch your breath. The pain will be exposed and the tears will come. 

One thing I’ve learned is that life doesn’t shift to accommodate me. Once I became a mom, my personal life didn’t become easier so I could raise my kids without trouble. I’m sure most of us had to deal with our own difficulties while juggling the effects of a pandemic. Life’s hardships don’t discriminate and it’s extremely common for us to go through problem after problem with no end in sight.

God doesn’t answer us the way we expect.

I’ve been in situations where I felt like I couldn’t take anymore. I’ve pleaded with God to stop the hurt and to get me on the other side of my struggle. But with God, it’s not always black and white. God has made me wait with QUICKNESS! There’s a saying that goes, “hurry up and wait.” God will allow us to go through things where we have no choice but to wait on Him.

If you pray to God for patience, He’ll give you a challenge that causes you to practice patience. If you have an issue with a coworker, God will make it so you’ll end up having to interact even more with that person. God doesn’t take away our problems all the time. He mostly creates scenarios for us to learn the skills to deal with them.

In Matthew 26:39 the account of Jesus says, “And He went a little farther, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.” Even Jesus went through suffering but we know what the end result of his suffering was. Romans 8:18 reads,”…the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” While we go through things that can break us, it’s nothing compared to the glory we’ll come into once it passes.

Get up and keep fighting!

After Jesus prayed, he got up and kept going. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t tough but he knew there was something much bigger beyond his current circumstances. There’s a lot of things that we go through and because we are overcome by fear and hurt we can’t see the bigger picture. God can take every bad thing that happens to us and turn it around for good(Genesis 50:20). I’m sure we all would prefer that God take our cup of suffering away from us. We would rather never face another battle for the rest of our lives but that’s not going to be our reality.

We find our strength in the Lord. If you have to pray and pray again, then do so but get up. You have a purpose and the trails you face are sometimes a distraction other times its booth camp. Regardless, you can’t give up. There’s a breakthrough on the other side of the storm. You have to keep going even if you don’t know what will happen next, that’s when you rely on your faith.

The enemy would want nothing more than to shut you up and prevent you from reaching your destiny. Some people say his goal is to wear you out. He wants to keep you tired, broken, and panicked. Don’t let him win. Don’t let him take over your mind and have you question God. Fight! We struggle not with flesh and blood(Ephesians 6:12). There’s no use trying to find natural ways to handle spiritual situations. We have to fight using God’s word and prayer. 

2 Chronicles 15:7 But as for you, be strong and do not give up,

for your work will be rewarded.

Don’t give up!

Nothing that we go through will ever be in vain. We have to believe that God is going to use our trials for good even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment. The hardest thing to do is to press on when you feel like your life is falling apart but that’s when we need to put on the Full Armor of God and head into battle. Turning away from God isn’t going to stop your problems. You’ll still have your struggles, they won’t go away because you quit. He wants you to turn to him.

Isiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

God is with us always. When we face a battle he is right there fighting alongside us. He doesn’t want us to be afraid or overtaken by our own worries. Even when we feel weak, He gives us the strength to keep going, to keep fighting. So keep fighting—whatever storm is raging in your life, keep fighting. God is with you.

No depression, anger, fear, grief, poverty, generational curses, addiction, infertility, loss, struggle, pandemic, sickness, or worry will overtake you. God is on your team and because of that, you can not fail. Fight and send the enemy packing!

I pray that this was an encouragement to you. I pray that God gives you the strength to keep fighting no matter what you’re going through. As always, Hugs and Love.

 


It takes courage to have faith

Encouraging, Faith

 

It’s what I’m supposed to do.

I often wonder how my children trust that I’ll always provide for them. And when I say provide, I mean way more than the essentials to keep them alive and comfortable. They have a laundry list of things they pray I’ll get for them. “Mommy, can you get me…” is something I hear regularly. They believe with everything in them that I’ll be able to get them what they’re asking for. Honestly, their confidence in me is both humbling and comforting. 

I’m their mommy, so of course they expect me to provide for them. If not me, then who? It’s inspiring to think that no matter what, they believe in my ability to take care of their wants and needs. I then relate that to my relationship with God. He’s my father, so if I don’t believe he’ll provide for me, then who? And God is so wonderful that his perversion can come in so many different forms. Many times in ways we never imagined. 

 

God is able

Whenever I pray for something I have to remind myself that God can do anything. Often times I think about my circumstances and put limitations on God. “How can you do this if things are going so bad, Heavenly Father?” God’s ability to answer my prayers has nothing to do with my situation and everything to do with Him being a Mighty God. I have to give Him free rein of my life and stop putting training wheels on His power. 

Seeking earthly logic with an illogical God is a waste of time. Not one miracle in the Bible was logical in the natural sense. Truthfully speaking, if everything was done logically we wouldn’t need faith.  Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. With faith, there is no formula and the only step you take is believing that something is possible. 

 

You just gotta have faith.

All God needs is a little faith, faith the size of a mustard seed. He can do so much with that. He isn’t concerned with how much you have in the bank, your education, or your work history. There is literally nothing that God needs you to have outside of faith to act on your behalf. For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 

Understand that having faith isn’t always easy, especially when you’re desperately waiting on God for something. It takes courage to have faith. Not even every believer has a limitless faith. Some assume that there are some situations God just can’t help with. Learning to trust God’s plan and timing is something that might seem crazy to some but for me, it’s how I remain hopeful.

 

Hebrews 11:6 says, “And without faith, it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” God wants us to believe He can do anything. He wants us to be like little children that trust their parents can give them the world. How beautiful is that? God wants us to release our doubt and have faith in Him.

Are you struggling with having faith? Is it due to a situation that seems impossible to overcome? Mark 9:23 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Jesus was addressing someone who told him “If you can do anything…” and Jesus gave a response that shows us that the first step to seeing our miracle is believing it is possible. Do not be overwhelmed by fear and doubt. Use Joshua 1:9, (“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”) as a reminder to remain in faith for God is always with you.

I pray that this was an encouragement to you and as always, Hugs and Loves.

 

Trusting God even when you don’t know what he’s doing

Encouraging, Faith

 

 

 

 

 

 

Often times, you’ll see that I compare my relationship with my kids to my relationship with God. My kids freak out easily, they can be very impatient at times, and they tend to question my judgment on things that I know best about. In the moments when I’m panicked and wondering what God has up his sleeve, I reference my kids and imagine God speaking to me the way I speak to them. “You’re alright”, “It’s going to be okay”, “I know what I’m doing.”

 

If I see it that way I’m fine. If my mind races past any kind of rational thinking, not even the connection to my kids can help me. I dislike being a blubbering mess. I don’t like feeling lost. Many times during prayer, I find myself crying the way my kids do when they need a nap or when they want a certain color cup.  I become dramatic. “But God, I don’t understand!” I have said this many times during my fear takeovers. For me, trusting God is a no-brainer but in moments of struggle, I admit it can be hard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not going to lie and say I’m always optimistic because I’m not. I fight off fear and anxiety multiple times a week. There’s always something lingering in the back of my mind. It sucks being creative when you’re also anxious. I have come up with so many crazy scenarios of doom in my head that I could probably be a great action or drama screenwriter. I sometimes feel God’s presence as I make up situations in my head. I can picture him telling me to relax. I only ever shrug and tell him he gave me a creative mind so what does he expect. 

He expects me to be still, to trust him. I have a hard time trusting my own judgment so when God tells me to trust him when I’m at the edge of a cliff, I find myself searching for a rope, a parachute, or a helicopter to get me out of there asap. Even though I know every hard time I go through is going to build my fate, I would rather skip it most times.

Trusting God isn’t always easy. I don’t always understand what he’s doing. At times I just wish he’d hurry and get me out of certain situations. Like any good parent, God does what’s best for us, whether we know it or not. There have been many times that I’ve had to watch as my kids cried while I clean their booboos. All they think about is the sting not realizing that the thing that causes the sting will help prevent them from getting something more serious(like an infection.) I’ve had to convince my kids, during ER visits, that the treatment they were getting was for their own good. They either trusted me and calmly went along with it or kicked and screamed and still had to go through it. 

Psalm 55:22
“Cast your cares on the Lord

and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”

I can either trust God and go along with his plan or put up a fight and still have to go through the difficult times just a lot more stressed. Truth is, having faith is wild. You hope for something that in the natural seems impossible. Trails and tribulations that seem to hit you back to back can be discouraging but it is better to look to God for help and strength than go it alone. Even when it seems hopeless and makes no sense to continue to believe in something keep the faith and trust that God will be by your side through it all. 

I believe in miracles

Encouraging, Faith, Motherhood

Bad things happen to us sometimes

Life has a way of throwing things at you when you least expect it. While good things happening are always welcomed, the thought of anything negative happening to us can be paralyzing. I’ve had my share of disastrous experiences but nothing could have prepared me for the challenge I’d face after surviving a horrific car accident. 

January 27, 2020, is a day I’ll never forget. For some reason that entire day I felt like listening to worship music and thanking God for all he’d done for me at that point. After leaving work with my twin sister and three young children, my sister and I kept talking about how blessed and grateful we were. We headed to the grocery stores to pick up some much-needed groceries. I got some stuff for my friend who had pneumonia and I also saw a jobless single mom that I’d helped from time to time and bought her a few things as well. I was happy to be in a position to give than a position of need. 

We can be in need within the blink of an eye

On the way to deliver the things I had gotten for my friend, once again my sister and I thanked God for everything and I do mean everything. We thanked him for our family, the food we had just bought, for the car I was driving, for the ability to give to others as much as we could. The entire drive was filled with praise. There was a level of peace that we felt. 

 

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About nineteen minutes into our drive, police cars went blazing down the street. We were in the right lane about two minutes away from our turn. A van that was all the way on the left lane slowly came over, slowed down, then stopped in front of us. We sat there for a couple of seconds before we heard what sounded like an explosion. At first, I felt disoriented. Everything looked hazy and I could see white and red around us. A few seconds later, another explosion. I had come to the realization that we were rear-ended and the impact caused us to then hit the van in front of us. My sister went into a panic and after I hopped out of the car and couldn’t get my kids’ doors open, I started screaming and calling on God. I thought to myself that there was no way God could allow us to be seriously hurt or worse, not after how much we were thanking him for everything, including life. 

Fear began to creep in

I knew at least one of my kids was hurt because she was bleeding. She was behind me on the drivers side. When we were hit she flew foward hitting her face against the back of my seat. I rushed to remove my four-year-old from her car seat. As I did this, a man tried to open the back passenger door to free my one-year-old son. I saw his attempt fail, then he frantically tried to break the glass, which he also wasn’t able to do. Another man came to the passenger side and waited for me to pass him my oldest. My three-year-old daughter, who was in the center of the backseat was next to get handed off to a complete stranger. My son was the last one to be freed from his car seat and once I got him out I ran around the front of the car into a ditch next to the crash. 

I couldn’t believe what was happening

There were so many people there helping us, giving us blankets, praying for us. The driver that we hit after being rear-ended was an EMT in training and he came over and checked all of my children. The cops and ambulance were there in no time. Part of me thinks that they might have been some of the crew that was already on their way to another emergency.

While being rushed to the ambulance, I saw the back of my car and thought, Thank you, God!  The trunk was gone and the backseat was so close to the front seat. I later found out that the backseat was pushed at least eight inches forward. The EMTs were shocked that we were alive, even conscious.

At the hospital, my three kids and I were all in a room together. My sister was rushed to the adult side of the hospital in an entirely separate building. Our bosses were at her side in less than thirty minutes. My coworker and friend, who we were taking food to, drove her beat-up car that hardly ever worked to the hospital to see us. She was there in about fifteen minutes. She looked weak from fighting off pneumonia but hey, she was in the right place if she thought she’d pass out. 

I believe in miracles

Going through something like that, you’d think it would be discouraging but it wasn’t. I believed, through faith, that we were going to be okay both physically and mentally. Almost instantly we were seeing blessings come. My boss bought us some groceries the day after the crash. Thirty minutes later my friend, who lived near us, brought us a care basket, and later that night we got food from the outreach center my sister volunteers at. We never lacked a ride to get important things done because someone was always offering to take us wherever we needed to go. My cousin even lent me her second car. We were never in true need. 

I feel that every bad thing can be turned into a blessing. We got to see how valued we were by the people around us and by strangers. One of the men that helped us even said he thought about not stopping, which people around here normally never stop to help victims of an accident. I believe the prayers of my sister who had jumped out of the car and dropped onto the grass to pray redirected him. I don’t think I’d be able to process the trauma of the accident, the loss of my vehicle, or the realness of mortality if not for my faith.

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In every situation, I pray and believe that all things are working out for my good. I don’t worry or let fear affect my beliefs. Faith has really been my coping mechanism and the only way I stay so optimistic even when things seem impossible. I can look back on my life and see how believing in good outcomes instead of being fearful has helped me to truly overcome all the negative experiences I’ve had. It’s not easy sometimes but I stand on a firm foundation of believing that faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. If I have nothing else, my faith will be enough to carry me through anything. I believe in miracles and the goodness of God.

My confidence is sure

Whenever I feel mentally exhausted, because that does happen, I put on worship music and dance around with my kids and sister. I create joy in situations where there is none because weeping may last the night but joy comes in the morning(Psalm 30:5). I grip on to that hope. I’ve learned that even if I can’t control the chaos around me, I can control how I react to it.

The same way grapes are crushed for wine or olives are crushed for olive oil, I believe the moments where we are crushed is not the end but the beginning of a new and beautiful us. I’ve learned to find strength in times where I’m expected to be weak and frail. Giving up or caving into the pain of this world is not an option for me. Not because I think I’m undeserving of going through it but because I know that I’m not the first or the last and I’m going to make it out. 

There’s a certain level of confidence I have because of my faith. It’s not arrogance or a sense of entitlement. I genuinely believe in either a reason for things happening or a miraculous outcome from such events. It’s not easy to always see the bright sides of things but it is possible to. Everyone faces challenges and hardships in their lives, some more than others. Having a positive and optimistic outlook on life through faith is my driving force.

People always ask me how I manage to keep going and I simply say, “God.” Even the people that believe in God wonder, “That‘s it? There has to be something more.” With all the things I’ve been through it seems unfathomable to some that faith is the only thing I rely on to fight depression, anxiety, insecurities, and even hurt. Believe me, it’s a mental battle as much as it is a spiritual one.

I stand firm like a stubborn child who refuses to drink out of the wrong colored cup because I know sitting and wallowing in pain and sadness is the wrong cup to drink out of. Instead, I choose to be happy despite my circumstances. I choose to celebrate all the good I’ve been blessed with and overlook the bad. Sure, I have to fight the thoughts that say I shouldn’t be happy right now, that I shouldn’t rejoice. But I rebuke those thoughts and smile anyway; I press on. I have gained immense strength from a faith that says I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me(Philippians 4:13). That is all I need to know that I can and will make it through every difficult situation. 

As always, Hugs and Love!

 

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Looking in the rear view

Uncategorized

Today marks 1 month since my faith was seriously tested. On January 27, 2020 around 7:30pm I was driving with my sister and three young children. We were rear ended and then we hit the van in front of us. I can still remember the  disoriented feeling, the sent of intense heat and fumes. I cringe and shutter every time I think about it because it’s so vivid in my mind.

I remember looking behind of me and seeing my 4-year-old face full of blood, my 3-year-old looked fine, and my 1-year-old’s rear facing carseat was slightly elevated and his legs were dangling up in the air a bit. I later found out he had a bruise and cut on his forehead.

I couldn’t get the door behind me open and as I frantically began to undo my kids’ carseat buckles, a panicked man furiously tried to pry the other backdoor open. When that didn’t work he banged the glass in attempts to free my baby boy but nothing. I eventually handed my daughters one by one to strangers who waited by the passenger door. I held on to my son.

We huddled in a ditch next to the wreck. There were so many people there, helping, coving my kids with blankets, PRAYING OVER US. My son began to go limp in my arms. From crying and clutching me tightly, his grip loosened and his eyes began to roll back into his head. I thought, no God, NOT MY SON. I prayed, that was the only thing I could do in such a helpless moment. Some of our rescuers began to join me and my son gained back his strength.

Shortly after that, the man we hit came over and began checking my kids. He was an EMT in training. He checked them for any signs of trauma to their neck, ribs, and stomach. There was none. I just remember feeling so grateful that when the police arrived and asked if we were ok, I walked off and began shouting, “In Jesus name we are fine. God is good!”

I didn’t feel fear in that moment. Nothing in the world seemed to matter. All I could think about was how blessed we were to be alive. Seeing the car and feeling like we were hit with an explosion, I knew it wasn’t anything short of a Miracle.

My faith kept me sane in the crucial moments after the crash. So many questions come up after seeing the car. There was a lot of impossible things that happened that night.

33DDE787-2477-4BB8-9AB8-CC3EC685498B

Check out photos of the car Here

Hear more details Here

Please drive safe and NEVER drive distracted. We were blessed to literally walk out of that car alive.

We are all doing okay. Driving now does get me anxious but I can’t be afraid of being behind the wheel or even in a vehicle. Mentally, I have to pray everyday about the crash because I am traumatized. It’s a lot more mentally taxing than I anticipated. You never get over the event.

I just wanted to make a quick post so as always (HUGGZ & LOVE)

Listening ears on: God told me to visit my ex in-laws.

Uncategorized

Being human is hard. Add being a Christian and you have a whole list of rules and regulations you must follow in order to truly be a follower of Christ. Usually, especially now, doing the right thing and being sweet and kind has come easily. Even things that would trigger me, just goes over my head and I say a prayer in my mind, grin, and keep it moving. Last week however, I was thrown a curve ball that I really just wanted to dodge.

My ex told me that his parents were going to be cooking a big meal and asked if the kids and I would come over. Without hesitation, I said NO. I mean, why would I? Besides the fact that I’d have to drive over 45 minutes, I’d have to come in close contact with the family of the man I abruptly left in the middle of the night, with a week’s worth of clothing, and my kids. It wasn’t exactly a peaceful breakup and I found myself on the hated end of the stick. His father had a lot to say about me in the past and would quickly jump on social media in defense of his son, whenever I was the topic of a falsified rant.

I insisted that I had no business going there and I prayed to God that some crazy occurrence would happen so it would be set in stone that I couldn’t go. Be careful what you pray for because four days later a tropical storm came through AND a tornado happened 9 minutes away from us. We were obviously spared and I thought that was God’s answer to my prayers– no honestly! You want to know something? It wasn’t.

My ex told me he would be getting out of work early so he could take us if I didn’t feel like driving. I told him that was great because that meant he could take the kids and leave me out of the equation. He seemed hurt and told me not to be that way. They weren’t my family and I remember how dysfunctional it was when all of us lived together. I did not want to go so I purposely ignored all my ex’s text after that.

You know, God works in very BLUNT ways and as I headed to the bathroom I heard, “Go” in a vey soft voice. Now, don’t call the luny bin on me but I heard it clearly. I remember saying, “yeah right, God. You would never want me to go there.” I then saw a vision of me walking into their home and a voice said, “Go, so they can see all I’ve done for you. Go to be a light. ” Guys, I laughed so hard and said NO! Then I tried to convince myself that I was the one creating the instructions that I had but when I said the word “Go” in my mind it sounded different from what I first heard. This was not something I wanted to be obedient to. I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable and I didn’t want to break bread with my ex’s family.

When my ex arrived, I grabbed my purse and roughly told him to hurry up and let’s go. He was shocked but he got up from the chair quickly and we headed to me car. Once we were all buckled and ready to go, my ex thanked me for going. I heard a voice say, “I told you.” I rolled my eyes and replied ok God, of course in my head because I didn’t want to sound crazy. 😂

The drive down was actually enjoyable and I didn’t find myself ready to jump out the car or complain to the heavens. But when we got to his parents house I found myself feeling uncomfortable and nervous. My girls rushed inside and I bought myself time by getting my son out of his carseat. Surprisingly, I was greeted genuinely and asked if I wanted some food and my ex made me a plate. I can’t even lie, for a second I thought they were trying to poison me so I asked my kids if they wanted some food and when no one screamed out “No”, I knew that the food wasn’t unsafe to eat.

I stayed for maybe an hour and a half and I watched as my kids enthusiastically ran around and played with the side of their family they hadn’t seen for so long. I felt relieved. My kids were so happy and I felt good. I talked with everyone and at no point did I want to run for the door. When I left I almost felt sad. His dad thanked me for coming and said we could do something for Christmas if I had no plans.

Before last Sunday, I had so much anger towards my ex father in-law. I was upset because he knew what I went through with his son and he completely turned against me when I left. I was mad and hurt and really wanted nothing to do with him ever again. Visiting him was a healing moment for me. It thought me forgiveness in a way I did think I needed. There is so much truth in forgiveness being for you and not the other person. I was released from the grip of anger.

If there’s anyone you need to forgive, whether they said you an open invitation or not, forgive them. Listen to the voice inside that sounds crazy because it goes against every logical thing you believe in. I listened to God and went somewhere I DID NOT want to go and it ended up being a beautiful moment for me.

I hope you liked this post and as always Hugs and Love!

Lost in the choas

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I don’t always feel like a complete failure but when I do, the voices in my head chanting my defeat are deafening. A crippling sense of  utter disaster overtakes me. For a moment I feel suspended in time, then as my heart begins to race, I’m thrusted into a fast paced world of terror.

What does that all mean? It means that you are not alone. Yes, YOU! You know you’ve been there. We all go through times in our lives that leave us breathless for all the wrong reasons. It’s okay to feel claustrophobic out in the open. Some cages can’t be seen.

Society today is unapologetically unaware of all the pressures individuals like me face. Or they blatantly don’t care. Parents, minorities, adults and children in school, people who are told they are way too skinny or way too fat— the list goes on and on, these are societies redheaded step children. Everyday people  deal with seemingly normal problems that they supposedly should be able to fix on their own.

But heres the thing, being on their own is the problem. Mothers can’t express how much they suffer while trying to raise a child without being judged. School kids face pressure from their parents, peers, and social media to be perfect. With no where to turn, many struggle in silence.

You hear it all the time, “It could be worse.” “Someone else has it worse.” That doesn’t make another person’s situation any less of a difficulty. And since when are we in the business of comparing hardships?

I can admit that there’s been moments where I wanted to fade away into the shadows because coming to the realization that my life was a mess, was too hard. Have you ever felt that way? Even your dreams seem comical and unattainable. You have this feeling of not being good enough, so everything that comes from your head seems like a wasteful fantasy.

Time…time is all we need to recenter ourselves, to get our life back on track. A moment of clarity and some positive affirmations to bring our confidence back. Truth is, support is not always easy to come by and at times you’ll have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and it’s going to be hard!

I found myself watching the social media craziness between James Charles and others. The way he spoke, made it seem like the events that transpired gave him thoughts of ending his life. I don’t know him nor did I ever watch his videos before but what he said hurt. It pains me when anyone so overcome by grief thinks not living is a proper solution to their problems.

This great big world can feel so empty and cold. It doesn’t matter if you’re famous or a regular joe. Struggle is guaranteed. I had to learn this the hard way.

If you read my last post and are now reading this one, you might be wondering what the heck is happening to me. Well, reflection happened. I’m a mess but I’ve stumbled upon others who also frequent Hot Mess Avenue and I found it only right to express my thoughts for the sake of helping someone else.

You are awesome!  You can do it! You, my friend, are not alone in this. Everyone goes through some sort of battle and yours is not to be minimized. When doubt fills your head, remember that you have the power to overcome anything. You are STRONG! Hurt doesn’t make you less of a bad ass. Remember all the times you made it through a difficult situation and know you’ll get through anything that comes your way!

 

As always ((HUGGS & LOVE))

Drowning

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Hold your breath

There’s no help for you at this depth

Who will be your helper

As you struggle under the pressure

Searching for hands that aren’t stretched out

You can’t scream, you can’t shout

There is  no rescue

So who will save you

Call out his name but no need to speak

He’ll hear you even when you’re weak

Alone, you never were

The water was just to help you grow

When you feel like giving in

Think how close you are to winning

When you feel you might drown

Turn to the father who’s always been around

*came up with this just now. Really going through a lot and my faith continues to be tested. Hope everyone is doing good.*

((HUGGS & LOVE))