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Except from The Crossing

After her sister was killed, she made it her mission to visit the station every day for three months straight. She interviewed people around town, pieced together clues, and gave constant information about her sister. We don’t need to hear another story about how much of a sweetheart she was, is what she’d get in response. It pissed her off. If her father was still living, the lack of results would have killed him. Hell, if her father was still alive, he’d have had the killer strung up by the balls a long time ago.

Reya didn’t have any newspaper clippings with her this time nor a folder stuffed to the brim with evidence. She opened her car door, stepped out, and hurried over to the station entrance before anyone got the chance to tell Detective Warren she was there. Undoubtedly, he’d make a mad dash for the back exit.

Reya pushed the station door open. She heard groans and a surprising amount of “Oh nos!”

“Detective Warren, please.” She said in her most polite voice once she reached the front desk.”

In a rushed manner the officer at the desk said, “He’s out to lunch.”

Reya checked her phone. “It’s 10:45 AM.”

The girl at the desk shrugged.

In the distance Reya heard a loud voice cackling then Detective Warren came parading around the corner.

Reya turned and glared at the front desk officer who, in turn, blushed pink. She spun back around, and her eyes met with the Detective’s. The smile on his face melted away like ice cream on a hot sidewalk. That’s the look she expected.

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The reality of my life as a single mother.


If any of you have read my posts in the past, you’ll know that I left a very bad relationship about 2 years ago. What I never updated you on was that I went back to my ex a year later. Long story short, I was living the exact same hell as before and then some. Surprised? I surely acted  like it was surprising.

So, four months ago I truly decided that I had had enough. I spent the day feeling miserable and down, wondering what kind of life I was living.  My ex’s family had flown up to LIVE with us just a week prior. From the moment they came, I could tell my ex was unhappy. So from him being OKAY and us being in a decent place at the time, the added stress of  having 3 more people in the house got to him. It showed in the way he treated me because as usual he never took his frustrations out on who caused it. And here I was feeling out of place, getting treated like I was a plague to his existence.

I snapped emotionally. I decided that I didn’t want to stay there any longer. I told him I wanted to leave and he told me no. Months before, he had implied that in order for me to leave, I’d have to be dead, so a part of me was afraid to go. He also had my debit card and refused to give it back to me because his money was on it ($19) and told me when I started working I could get it back. I made sure to call my sister in the middle of the drama so if anything happened, someone would know. After realizing that I was telling my sister everything that was happening, he snatched the phone from my ear and left the room.

Guys, there is so much that happened that night that I might just make a video about it. What ended up happening was I packed a weeks worth of clothes for the kids and I, got my cousin to pick us up, and left the apartment around 12am. He was so pissed; if looks could kill, I’d be dead.

There was constant fighting and back and forth after that. Then he’d pretend to be good and act like he was changing only to flip out when I said I was never going back to him. I felt nothing. Plus I had already told all my family members what really happened behind closed doors and if I even thought about going back to him, they wouldn’t let me hear the end of it.

Within a months time, I got a job. It felt like forever! I was blessed to get hired at a daycare so my kids could be there with me. I love my job and honestly the hardest part about it has been getting to and from work. I catch the bus at 7 am but I have to leave the house by 6:35 am in order to make it there in time. Sometimes, if I’m late, I have to carry my daughters the entire 20 minute walk. It might not seem like much but when it’s pitch black outside, you’re carrying around 68 lbs plus their backpacks, and you have to power walk, it’s tiring mentally and physically.

The afternoons aren’t any better. It takes me an hour to get home from work between the bus and walking. It’s a 13 minute drive! Then the sun is so hot some days, I want to pass out. And those are usually the afternoons where I carry my daughters in my arms because I know if I feel weak, hot, and tired then they do too.

It’s not easy. Sometimes I cry and pray and cry and pray because I don’t know what else to do. Each blessing comes with another challenge and I feel so burnt out. I am grateful for everything, it’s just hard trying to keep going when you feel like you have nothing left.

I can say that this experience has shown me that there is a serious need for assistance to help people who have been in my shoes. I hope that I can start some sort of charity to help people get on their feet especially with kids and little to no one to turn to.

The truth is, I’m better off now than I was two months ago. It’s all about progress. Yes, I struggle a lot but it’s only for a shot time. I hope to get a car, more than anything, so that my kids don’t have to go through this. One day!  By the way here’s a Video  of what outside looks like when I head to work.

As always ((HUGGS & LOVE)) and I plan to write more soon!


Now officially a mother of three…and I LOVE it!


In the hospital waiting on daddy to finish work and me and baby to be discharged.

For anyone that’s read a few of my last post, you’d know that I was having another baby. If you didn’t know, well, now you do. 🤗 My pregnancy was a bit rough but not too bad. When I first found out I was pregnant, my stress level went to an all-time high. I felt guilty. I had a one-year-old and a two-year-old who only had been two for three weeks when I conceived. I wondered how in the world I would be able to give three kids, under 3, all my attention. I did it with two easily but THREE?! I didn’t know if I could handle it…I didn’t know if my older kids could handle it. Would they hate the new baby? Would they feel like I was neglecting them?

I barely accepted that I was pregnant. Why? Because I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think that I would be mother enough for three babies. It’s not like it hasn’t been done before but I couldn’t imagine having the capability to be a super mama of three. Other women had done it and are doing it now, but I never thought I’d be joining them.

Fast forward two Thursdays ago. I’m in pain so bad my vision was failing me. I had to be super mama still. My kids were in my room and I couldn’t let them see me in pain. I comforted them and talked to them, making sure they were okay. I hugged and kissed my little humans because no amount of contractions could stop me from making my kids feel safe.

You have to do things like that. Be strong, even in your most painful moments. Your kids need that from you. I couldn’t believe what I was able to do! All my fears were erased. As much as I wanted to hoot and holler, I sucked it up for my baby girls.

My daugthers were able to be in the delivery room with me. One was sleeping and the other one was watching videos on my phone. Surprisingly, they actually caught on to the fact that their baby brother was no longer in my belly. It’s amazing how smart a then one-year-old(turned 2 two days after her brother was born) and a two-year-old can understand.

I took the first picture you see after my kids and their dad stayed my second and last night at the hospital with me. He had to go to work for two hours that morning. He left around 9am so he could go home and get ready for work at 10:30. As nervous as I was to be alone at the hospital with all three of my kids, I let him leave the girls with me. I got discharged after 12pm and he came for us a little after 1pm. By some miracle all of my kids slept for most of the time I was by myself. Both girls woke up briefly and then went straight back to sleep. Of course my newborn only woke up to eat, or rather, I woke him up.

Honestly, there are certain points in our lives where we are taken over by fear. Sometimes we think we don’t have the strength to live through something or to do something but we do! We just have to believe it. The idea of having three kids under three, petrified me. I was beyond scared but once I had all my kids with me I thought, “Yeeeeeaaah, I can do this!” Encourage yourself and believe you are capable of anything. No matter how difficult you think it might be. You got this! You can do it!

Like always guys, ((HUGGS & LOVE))


One week after the first picture! 🤗❤️



I wanted to make a quick post and see how far this can go. I support fathers…good fathers. I never had a relationship with my father. Even before he was murdered, when I was 8, it never really felt like we had a connection. I think that’s why I’ve been so interested in other people’s experiences with their dad.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how fathers feel in today’s society. Mainly single fathers and stay-at-home dads. You know, the type of out of the box father. You hear about single moms and stay-at-home moms all the time but who really takes the time to think about the dads in these positions.

I was hoping to possibly get a whole bunch of single dads and SAH dads to let me interview them in a way. I want to tell their story. Mostly because I want to know it but I also think it should be shared. Men from all walks of life doing their daddy duties.

If you know of any fathers like this, send him my way. If you’re a single dad or SAH father, let’s talk! Obviously, I’m a mommy but a mommy that’s deeply interested in bringing awareness to the struggles men go through as fathers. I think it would be really cool to share my idea with you willing guys out there.

Hopefully I can get a couple daddies to interview. Fingers crossed!

Building a strong Blog


I know my blog is like a small beach shack  on a deserted island compared to the mammoth size mansion blogs out there. Even so, I know exactly what makes a blog thrive. Obviously content is important but it doesn’t matter how great your content is if no one sees it. When I first started my blog, I wrote a post then flung my arms open like, “Come to me!” It was like an ant expecting a giraffe to see it’s footprints.

Like I said in an earlier post, building connections and interacting with others was the most vital part of having a successful blog. Granted, I learned this over a year ago and my blog following is still pretty small. That would be my fault. I haven’t been blogging and visiting my fellow bloggers as much as I should.

Unless you have a super big following, your blog is like a cave in the woods that people might stumble upon if they past your way. You have to crawl out of your hole in search of human life! That’s probably my favorite part about blogging. It feels good to have people see your post but when you are able to find someone else’s post or blog site and just feel a connection to what they are saying, it feels awesome.

You have to take the time to get out there and give others feedback instead of just hoping to get it for yourself alone. It’s a give an take. A mutual respect amongst writers. You took the time to read my post so I’ll do the same. This has been the best lesson I’ve learned since I began blogging. I personally believe in quality not quantity; if you have a few followers but they visit your page regularly it’s a win. It means that you’re not just a one hit wonder with them.

If you ask most bloggers, they’ll agree that blogging is more of a marathon rather than a sprint. It takes time to get it to where you’re fully satisfied. It also takes time to really come into your own and what better feeling is there than having your early followers come along on the journey. Equally, don’t be turned off by new comers. Share the love and support and even give them  some tips if you like.

How to build a strong blog? By building strong relationships, by sharing your time with your fellow bloggers, and giving valuable feedback on the post you read. It’s about spreading the interest you wish to receive. Blogging is not for the selfish. It’s a community…an extended family.

Like always guys ((HUGGS AND LOVE))


What if Love was truly contagious


Right before the year ended, my boyfriend’s father, stepmom, and little came to stay with us. It was a full house, to say the least. For the most part, we were cooped up in the house because there was no going anywhere with 4 adults( 1 being very pregnant), 2 toddlers, and a nine-year-old in a regular ole’ SUV. The weather was a hot mess. If you know anything about Florida you know the weather, especially during wintertime, is bipolar. Now, we did get to go out at one point thanks to a rental. That’s how I got sick. I was the first to go down. Everyone else followed, leaving only my two-year-old miraculously healthy. In my misery, I couldn’t help but think how awful it was that a cold could be passed on so easily. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be so wonderful if love was passed on like that?

Some people say love, happiness, and joy are contagious but to me, it really only is if you have the heart for it. Unlike the cold, which doesn’t discriminate, love can’t break down some people’s immune systems. Imagine if a warm and loving person touched a doorknob and then some mean, maybe even evil, person touched it right after. He or she doesn’t wash their hands and randomly rubs a finger across their lips. WHAM! Love enters just like that. Or maybe someone bursting with a loving heart coughs and everyone who happens to be nearby is immediately infected. Wouldn’t that be cool? Instead of all these stinking illnesses being spread, love could get passed on in this way.

I’m a person who is big on love. It’s the best feeling in the world and I value it so much. I’ve always been like that but when I was younger I simultaneously was a very angry person. Ontop of being anger I was also extremely protective and easily bothered. I wasn’t afraid to get into physical fights or confront people. A lot of the problems I got into were mostly me defending family or a friend and the rest was me overreacting about a look someone gave me or me thinking someone said something rude about me.

I remeber being so bothered by people with bad attitudes. It would literally ruin my entire day if I came across someone with a bad attitude. I would be pissed leaving their presence. It was like they infected me with their hate and misery. I always felt like anger was something easier to “catch” than happiness. Sure good deeds go a long way but a batch of anger people go the distance.

I had to learn to ignore and realize that whatever made people so upset, had nothing to do with me. That’s when I decided that I should spread happiness to the best of my ability. If it worked it worked. If it didn’t, at least I tried.

Nothing was a better eye opener than a day I went to Mcdonalds to get some food.  The line was long and the amount of people waiting for their food was alarming to a very hungry me. I got in line  anyway. Only four workers were there that day. One cashier, two cooks, and one person getting the orders together. The other customers huffed and puffed. Even though they knew the line was long and the workers were short staffed they refused leave and continued groaning. For a split second I almost found myself complaining too. I almost let everyone else’s negativity affect my mood.

When it was my turn to order, the look on the cashier’s face said it all. She had no smile, looked tired and worn out. I looked at her with a big grin and asked her how she was doing. She was shooked but she smiled back and said she was doing good. She asked me how I was. With a bubbly voice I told her I was doing fine as well. Matching my tone, she asked what I would like. After I ordered I told her thank you very much and I hope she has a nice day. Now, her smile stayed when she attended the customer after me and I was extremely happy to see that customer be friendly and respectful to her also. And there it was, I had spread happiness just like that. I chose to look positively at a situation and realize how much I could affect those around me.

Unfortunately, you can’t catch love the way you catch a cold but you can spread it around in hopes that others will respond well to it. And whenever you find yourself in a situation where you’re surrounded by the grinches, stand firm in your happy thoughts and share a little bit of it.

Like always guys ((HUGGS AND LOVE))

Why are we more focused on gender rules rather than gender roles?


Before I start, let me first say that my goal is not to offend anyone. Now, let me say this as well, I don’t care if I do. We live in a society where people tend to tiptoe around what they really want to say, not because it’s truly disrespectful but because someone, somewhere will take offense to it. I know in this day and age people everywhere are fighting over gender rules. Parents want their sons to be able to wear dresses without any kind of judgement. PERSONALLY, if my son said he wanted a dress, I’d tell him no. Call me a bad mom. Say I’m dimming my child’s light. I could careless. Children want what they see without any thought to it. I don’t think it’ll determine their sexual orientation later on. However, I’m not about to listen to someone whose best decision is having candy for breakfast. Down the road, when my kids aren’t impulsive and irrational, I’ll take things like that seriously.

The point of this post isn’t about letting kids where whatever they want is good or bad. My actual concern is how these kids grow up to view their place in the world as men and women. Whither you’re straight, gay, trans, there is a certain role people expect you to play. Growing up boys were expected to be rough and tough and girls were expected to be delicate and sweet. If a boy cried, even if he was hurt, he was seen as weak. If a girl stood up for herself and gave her opinion, she was seen as rude or a trouble maker. Boys couldn’t have a soft side and girls couldn’t be strong.

If you go to the toys section of any store, you’ll see how the world has already decided who men and women should grow up to be. The girl’s toy section is filled with baby dolls, brooms, and shopping carts. A girl is meant to grow up to be a house wife. Sure there’s doctor toys and some expensive sports cars thrown in the mix but that’s not the main focus. The boy’s section is filled with racecars, army men, guns and any “beat my chest, I’m a man” type of toy you could think of.

I always wondered why parents lost their minds whenever their son touched a doll or yanked a toy car away from their daughters. “That’s for boys.” “That’s for girls.” Some parents would go on to say, “Are you gay? Leave that alone!” Girls tend to get a less aggressive response when they play with boys toys. Either way, I don’t see how a bloody toy could indicate a child’s sexual orientation. Let’s face it. That’s exactly why some parents react the way the do.

Boys are told to leave the baby(doll) alone, they don’t belong in a kitchen, and chores, like washing dishes, is a girl’s job. And when men grow up and leave the child raising and housework to women, it’s somehow a surprise. It’s been drilled into their heads that anything that doesn’t dirty their hands should be left for women. And when a man is a stay-at-home-father he is judged harshly and seen as a disappointment because he isn’t the breadwinner. WHY? It baffles me!

I always think about my little brothers when it comes to this topic. They are two rough and tumble kids. They hate dolls and say it’s too girlie. One day, my sister had bought barbie like dolls for the little girl I was taking care of. She was 5 and my brothers were 6 and 9 at the time. She had no one to play with so she asked them to play with her. They barely hesitated to. They even did character voices. Granted after she got up they started sword fighting with the dolls but for that moment those little boys wanted to make her happy despite their own personal feelings. They are still pretty boyish to this day. And their actions then and many times after that, showed me that they’ll be great fathers. I’m not saying go out and buy your sons dolls but understand that what  you put in their head as young kids will affect how they view their role in society.

Now, as for girls, we’re meant to be clean and pretty. We must bite our tongue and go along with whatever we’re told. Climbing trees and playing in dirt is a horrible way for us to spend an afternoon. Things like repairing cars and building aren’t what we should be interested in. In fact, at a certain age we are “trained” to be able to take care of a household. That’s the role women were meant to play. Mommy and wife. We must live in the kitchen and vacation in the laundry room. We must raise perfect children and keep our husbands happy. These stupid generic rules that have been placed on us. God forbid a woman is the boss of several man, some of them might lose their minds because they might have been brought up believing that is not her place.

You see, I could really care less about the “how to dress your child” debate. I have two daughters and my first son is due in a month. I don’t want my son to cruise through life thinking his sisters are his maids. I equally don’t want my daughters to feel intimidated by a male dominated workforce. This “war” on who our kids should be is superficial. I think so, at least when it comes to what I see on social media everyday. Okay, your son or daughter is happy wearing clothes of the opposite sex. WHAT NOW? What do you teach them now? What role will they play once they grow up? It goes far beyond clothing. It’s about having sons that embrace emotions instead of keeping them inside for fear of being labeled a wimp. It’s about raising strong daughters who don’t take crap from anyone and believe anything is achievable. It’s about men who won’t hesitate to wash a freaking dish and women who can fix a car just as good as any guy.

Do you understand what I’m trying to say? These ideas that we are suppose to be robots going down a conveyor belt in the same path as everyone else is stupid! We shouldn’t have cookie cutter lives. We shouldn’t have these dumb set regulations on what a man and woman should do. Obviously, there are some differences but the differences that are used to distinguish us most of the time doesn’t make any sense. All that old fashion crap should go out the window. Men and women should be seen as a team, sure, but they both should  be able to survive without the other. Example, a single man should know how to cook and clean and a woman should be able to use a drill and put up her own furniture without someone saying, “That’s why you need a man/woman so they can do that for you.” I don’t get all the gender restrictions when it comes to that stuff.

Leave me some comments about how gender roles were presented to you growing up and how you view them now. If you have kids please share if you have set roles specific to the gender of your kids. And remember this is not a post about clothing choice. I want to read what you think about the way society has segregated what is socially acceptable for men and women to do.

Like always ((HUGS & LOVE))















My “Me too” Story


This story might be a bit much or some readers, discretion is advised.


I want to be completely honest and extremely transparent with you all. Everything I’m about to say in the post is true and it happened to me almost nine years ago. I was 17 and just a few months shy of high school graduation. At this time in my life, I was a “YES” girl. I never wanted to seem rude or hurt anyone’s feelings. I had a very hard time saying NO, even to complete strangers. My mother raised me to be very respectful. Despite my anger issues back then, I was a very polite child.

I had only ever kissed one boy and it was ONE time, about two months prior to this indecent.  I never had a boyfriend and never did anything sexual before. Kissing was as far as I had gotten and wanted to get, at that point in my life.

It was May 4th, 2009. I spent all day shopping and hanging out with my cousin, who was the same age as I was. We were preparing for prom and graduation. Neither of us had a car, so our only means of transportation were taxis. The taxis back home are different from the ones in the states. They are 15 passenger buses, cost $2.50, and only drive on the main road. They usually stop running around 6 pm, 6:30 pm. My cousin lost track of time and we ended up going to the bus stop after 6. She lived on the other side of the island and though that might not seem like much, for a place only 22 miles long, being 17  with no way home is not ideal.

On our way to the bus stop, a guy in a silver car motioned me over. Now, this is where my “YES” girl mentally screwed me. I didn’t want to go but I didn’t want to be rude. He said his hello told me his name was Alfredo or Alfred for short and asked me my name. In about 5-7 minutes, we talked about what school I went to, my future plans, and exchanged phone numbers. Once again, I didn’t want to do any of this but I was too damn nice for my own good. To get away, I told him my cousin really needed to catch a taxi so she could get home and I had to go.

Of course, my cousin asked me 21 questions about this guy. I told her everything we had talked about, in that short time span, as we waited on the bus. As time went by there was no sign of any taxis. I told me cousin that I’d call my other cousin in hopes that he’d be able to take her home but she declined. That’s when Alfred called and everything went straight to the crapper. I didn’t want to answer but my cousin insisted I did.

“Hello?” I said

“Yeah, where are you?” He questioned.

“Still at the bus stop.”

“You coming?”

“Huh?” I was puzzled.

“I’ll carry her home. Are you coming?”

I moved the phone away from my ear and told my cousin what he said. She eagerly accepted the ride. My stomach was in knots. I never planned on getting into that car. I thought to myself, If I don’t go, he might hurt her and it would be my fault. It hadn’t hit me that I was the one he really wanted and I’d have to take the ride back ALONE with him.

He made it to the bus stop in no time. It was almost like he never left the area where I first saw him and was lurking around stalking us. I got in the front seat and my cousin hopped in the back. When I attempted to close the door, some weird creature stung my finger. First damn sign that entering that car was a bad idea.  Once we were on our way, this man couldn’t stop talking. Yes, MAN! He told us that he was 26 years old. Mind you, he knew our age before we ever got in his car.

For the most part, he kept everything Pg13 while my cousin was in the car. Once she left, I realized what a terrible choice I had made. It finally hit me that I had to take this 25 minute drive alone with some strange man because I didn’t want him to try anything with my cousin. He went from telling me he was a drug dealer to saying he had a gun in his trunk just in case he needed to protect himself because he lived a dangerous life. He went on to ask me if I knew certain girls who went to my school and told me explicit stories about his relations with them. All this girls where younger than I was by about TWO years.

Needless to say, I was very uncomfortable. And when I was just 5 minutes away from home, he asked me if I’d mind if he stopped by his house for something. Like a fool, I said okay. Now, I’m thinking his house was on the way to mine. NOPE! Instead of making a left he drove straight ahead onto a back road, a road I had never taken before. What I didn’t know was that road bypassed my home and if he had gone the normal way he would’ve had to drop me home and drive about 10 minutes to his house. He knew exactly what he was doing.

When we got to his house, he proceeded to recline his chair back. He told me he wanted me to preform oral on him. JUST LIKE THAT! I was horrified and refused. I told him to take me home but he said he would once I did what he asked. He begged and begged. The he got close to me and started to rub my stomach, saying he could imagine putting something in there. Then he began to touch my breast. I was wearing a strapless top and prayed that he wouldn’t take it down. I remember thinking that I had only kissed one person and knew nothing about nothing, now I was alone with someone who was probably planning to force themselves on me.

You know the saying, “Flight or fight?”. I did neither. I froze up like water in the freezer. I was numb. My mind went to a whole other place. Finally, he said he needed to give something to his brother. When his brother opened the door, all I could see was this giant person in the shadows. Alfred was scrawny but his brother was humongous. When they both turned around to look at the car, I wanted to cry. I knew for sure that they would attack me…together. I wanted to run but I couldn’t move. I was frozen with fear. I didn’t know where I was. My cousin called to make sure I was okay because it had been over an hour since we left her house. My phone died in the middle of our conversation. Bad sign…disastrous sign!!

After a few minutes of talking, his brother went back inside and closed the door. Alfred came back inside the car with a big smile on his face and continued trying to pressure me. My mind would start to say, Well, if you just… I rejected the thought of giving in to that perv. I wasn’t about to do it willingly. I told him to take me home. He again said no and that he was taking me somewhere else instead. I started to recognized the area and knew that I was far enough from home that walking would probably take me two hours. He stopped somewhere I had never been. It was on a dirt road surrounded by dead trees. No one would hear me if I screamed. No one one would find my body if he killed me. At that point, I had it in my head that he’d have to kill me before I did anything with him. I even saw my obituary when my life flashed before my eyes. I was scared but came to terms with what might happen next.

He took out his phone and told me even if I tried to call for help, I wouldn’t be able to because there was no reception in that area.

“No service!” He said, as he shoved his phone in my face. He followed it with the most annoying laugh I ever heard. “Haaaaaaaaaaaa! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” He was taunting me.

I stilled refused, then he asked if I wanted to go to a beach called Lagoon. He claimed he wanted to make me comfortable enough to give him what he wanted. Lagoon was about a 30 minute walk to my house, so I agreed. Before I knew what was going on he park the car in a little ditch and told me we weren’t going to Lagoon. He then asked if I thought he was stupid and I only agreed to go because I could walk home from there. He then laughed in my face…again.

At first I wanted to cry then I got pissed. I thought about my father, for whatever reason, and it give me strength. I was so upset. I wanted to hit him, fight him. Wring his skinny little neck until he passed out. I was tired of being afraid, of being mocked. I didn’t care that he could really have a gun in his trunk. I was going to do whatever I had to do if he wasn’t going to let me go. So, I went off on him. I flipped out. He laughed at me again but it was a different type of laugh that time. He said he’d take me home and started up the car again. Of course he didn’t take me home. He said he needed something from his house and when I realized he was going up the hill to his place, I opened up the door to jump out. It made him yell out, “Okay. Okay. I’ll take you home.” He still went up the hill to his house but to turn around.

He asked me where I lived and made sure to drop me a 3-5 minute walk away from my house. He told me I had better delete his number because he deleted mine. He shoved the phone in my face. The list of names started with “Di” but my name starts with a “De” so I knew he didn’t delete it. At that point I didn’t care, I was just happy to get the hell out of that car. I made sure he or anyone else wasn’t following me and walked home.

He kept me hostage for four hours. I got home after 11 pm. My usually paranoid mother never asked me where I was. When I told my sister what happened she was horrified and was glad I made it out alive. I put my phone to charge and immediately put Alfred’s number on the reject list. I called my cousin once my phone had enough battery life and the amount of guilty she felt was obvious. Think it crazy, but I rather that had happened to me than her. I don’t know if she would have had the will to refuse that guy. I don’t know if fear would have made her do something that would have scared her for life.

I never saw him again but he did call me a couple of times months later. I had given my sister my phone and got another one. She deleted all my contacts so naturally, his number was no longer blocked. She actually talked to him for a bit and was going to ask me if it was okay to give him my number. Then it hit her that he was the guy that refused to take me home, not some long time friend checking up on me. She quickly blocked him when I confirmed his number. Freaking creep.

Because of that night, my trust for people has almost completely died. I stopped being so polite. If something doesn’t seem right to me I go with my gut. Only a few people knew this story. My mother doesn’t even know. I was ashamed. I knew better than to get in a strangers car but I did. I didn’t go to the police because I thought I’d be blamed for what happened. It took a long time for me to realize that it wasn’t my fault. I was a child at the mercy of a grown man, who knew better. I sometimes fear that he did the same thing to someone else, someone who gave in. I live with the guilt of wondering if I was his only victim or if I gave him the courage to do it again.  I guess I’ll never know.

It’s really hard for me to even think about what happened to me. I go through all the same emotions. It’s painful to relive. Someone thought it would be comforting to tell me at least I wasn’t raped. That’s like telling a hungry person at least you don’t live in Africa where people are starving. It was a horrifying experience nonetheless! Just talking about it takes a lot of courage.

I hope this story helps someone come forward with theirs. I hope it gives someone strength. I know things could have been worse for me but I’m still here. Never be too trusting. Never think that saying no to someone is disrespectful, especial if something doesn’t seem right. Don’t be ashamed. You could help someone else by speaking out, most importantly, you can help yourself. Talk to your kids about things like this –girls AND boys– so they can stay as safe as possible. It goes beyond saying don’t get in cars with strangers because I heard that all my life and still did it.

Be safe and like always ((HUGS & LOVE))





I need a sponsor


Sometimes I feel like I need someone to keep me going…keep me from slipping. You know the way addicts have sponsors. I don’t know that much about it but it sounds good to me. Life is hard as it is but how great would it be to have someone in your corner that knows what you’ve been through? That type of support should be for everyone!

I have family that I can talk to but it’s so different. Family  are as emotionally invested in your life as you are. You’re happy, they’re happy. You hurt, they hurt. Sometimes you don’t want to add any more stress to their plate. Does that sound crazy?

I want someone to say, “Hey, how are you doing? Have you sewn anything lately? Do you need inspiration for a painting? I hope you’re still blogging on a regular!” And still I want them to be like a shoulder to lean on and talk things over with. Like family without the blood ties and a therapist without the hefty price. Someone who can guide me along this journey of life because they walked it already.

Does it seem greedy that I have family I can talk to but still want more? Some things you can’t bring yourself to tell your loved ones. I, for one, hate feeling like I’m burdening my family. You know it’s funny because I feel like I’ve be a “sponsor” for so many people even complete strangers and now I find myself NEEDING the same level of concern I gave. All my strength has been given out. It’s a funny place to be. It’s also hard to except needing someone to be there for you when it’s always been the other way around. I suppose that’s why I don’t tell my family much, because I’ve always been their strength and their backbone. How useful would I be if I was vulnerable? That’s what I think anyway.

Is there some anonymous group that helps people, who are use to being there for others, accept that they need support too? Are there enough people like me out there to begin with? The ones that give their all not wanting anything in return. The ones that forgot that they’re human too and need to be taken care of just like everyone else.

This was honestly some random thoughts that popped into my head after watching “Dexter”, of all things. Anyway, like always guys, ((HUGGS AND LOVE))

Relationship Dumpster Diving


I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in a relationship that seemed to be dragging us down rather than lifting us up. I’m talking about the type of relationship where your partner makes you feel like pure crap. It leaves you wondering if something is wrong with you. You’re head fills with self doubt and you assume that he/she is as good as it gets. I mean, after all, they’re putting up with all your flaws and problems, right? Wrong!

You’ve heard the saying, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” I bet you’ve also heard of the phrase “dumpster diving.” What if I told you that the comparison of a relationship to garbage isn’t a bad thing, at least not the way I see it. Let me explain a bit more. No one wants trash…no one. We all know that. And what’s worse than having a partner that makes you out to seem like trash? They might even tell you directly that you are trash, that you are no good. Okay, so what do you do with that?

Don’t let an unappreciative person determine your worth. See it as an opportunity to spin their perception of you on its head, not because you need their validation but because you should always solidify your value. Just because they don’t think you’re good enough doesn’t mean it’s true. Heck, it’s not!

So, let’s get to the point. Relationship dumpster diving is something that came to mind when I thought about one person appreciating what another didn’t. People sift through trash on a regular basis looking for something that they can’t help but think someone else was crazy enough to throw  away. I’m not saying that a person is truly trash by comparing them to garbage in a dumpster, so please don’t get the wrong idea. I simply want you to realize that as much as a person doesn’t want you, there will be someone who thinks you’re the greatest and can’t believe they stumbled on such a find.

Okay, let me give you another example. Let’s compare expensive clothing to ones found on the sales rack. Most people believe that the expensive clothes are one hundred percent better than anything found on clearance but how many times has designer or name brand items become available at an extremely discounted price? Does that make it any less valuable? Does the fine material automatically become mediocre? No! Sometimes, even though you are simply amazing, you might end up on the sales rack. You were unfortunately put there by someone who KNEW your worth but in order to make you seem less-than, stuck you with a 90% off tag. I don’t know about anyone else but I always head to the sales rack first, not because I’m cheap(well not mostly) but because I know how many great items were shoved in there.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some people who specifically look for broken and battered individuals for selfish reasons. However, many people will choose to look beyond all of that in order to discover who you really are. They’re not worried about what your ex thinks of you. They see you as a prize. They value you and don’t try to make you feel worthless. Hence, “One man’s  trash is another man’s treasure.” You are worthwhile and the right person will recognize that.

I want to leave you with this final thought, don’t let a bad relationship hinder you from recognizing your own worth. A person who truly values you will appreciate everything you have to offer and not treat you any less than what you deserve. You will ALWAYS be treasure to the right person.