Encouragement Faith Motherhood

I don’t want God to see me as a supermom

by Dena Felix

Being a single mother was never in my plans. Back in school when the teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I assure you, a single mom was never on my list. Yet here I am, a single mom for over four years now.  It’s not like I let that define me. I don’t go around shouting “single mom coming through!” In fact, many people have no idea that I am one.

I do my best to get this mom thing right but can I tell you something? It’s hard! It was hard when I wasn’t single and it’s even harder now. Some people tell me that I make it look so easy. I’ve been called supermom many times. I’ve even been told I was an inspiration. I don’t mind any of it, I’m flattered honestly. Yet, there are moments when I don’t want that title. Having to carry the weight of my world, my three young children mostly on my own is tiring.

My strength comes from God.

“How do you do it, Dena?” I’ve been asked that more times than I can count. My answer is always God. With the difficulties that I go through, the only reason I have my sanity is God. I can humbly admit that I need God in every aspect of my life. From taking care of my kids to volunteering with little ones at my church, to trying to make my dreams come true—I can’t do any of that without God’s help. I need a whole lot of God’s grace and mercy to get me through my days.

Psalm 121: 1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

When I first became a single mom I got a job at a daycare. I didn’t have a car so I’d have to walk in the dark with my daughters in my arms all the way to the bus stop. It took me 12 minutes on a Monday and maybe 20 on a Friday because I was so tired. Sometimes my girls who were two and three at the time would be screaming because it was dark and we’d hear noises. I remember screaming out to God as I walked…my legs shaking and my arms burning from my daughters’ weight. I’d scream to the sky, “God help me! Do you even see me? Please, help me!”

Then we’d spend another 10 minutes waiting on the bus while getting bit by mosquitos and I’d pray for God to give me the strength to hold on just a little while longer. I prayed for strength to make it to the next day—get me to tomorrow, Lord. It took me almost an hour to get to a job that was 13 minutes away. After I was dropped at the nearest bus stop to my workplace we’d cross the street and walk another six to ten minutes to get to my job. Sometimes I’d be in tears right before pressing the doorbell. I was always able to play things off. No one knew how much I was struggling.

I don’t want God to see me as a supermom.

I lived my entire life trying to be the strong one. I knew how to push through anything but after a while, I couldn’t be strong anymore. Keeping up with the facade was tiring especially after becoming a mother. I’m a mom responsible for keeping three people alive. It is my job to help them become good humans. I need God to be strong for me. I need to be able to drop to his feet and let go of my tough girl act. In the same way I’d cuddle my kids and tell them it was going to be okay, I so desperately want God to do that for me when I need it. I want to be able to hear His reassuring words after a meltdown letting me know that I’m safe and loved.

God knows all still, it took me a while to be real with Him. Were my breakdowns going to be seen as annoying? Would He brush me off and tell me to suck it up because I always had before? Was I going to be told I was “sensitive and too emotional”?

After wrestling with those thoughts, I reminded myself that God is a good Father. He cares for me in ways I couldn’t Imagine. How God sees me is important but I don’t want Him to see me as a supermom. I don’t want him to pat me on my back and say, “you got this.” No, I want Him to tell me, “It’s okay. I got this. Rest.” I don’t want Him to see me as strong because I’m not—not without Him. I’m surviving on prayer and faith.

2 Samuel 22:33 It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.

 

I rather give it to God.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that being able to handle a lot is something to celebrate. But after handling things that seem to pile up, I won’t hesitate to hand them off to God. No one should feel compelled to hold on to things that bring them stress, fear, and anxiety all to look strong. 1 Peter 5:7 says Throw all your worry on Him because He cares for you. You don’t have to tell me twice. I’m slingshotting all my problems straight to heaven. God is way more equipped to deal with our mess than us. As strong as we try to be or want to be, He has the ultimate strength. 

None of us have to walk this life alone. We don’t have to load up our backs with burdens. Sure, society measures strength by how much hardship we endure but I’d rather send my issues on a one-way trip to my Father. I remember so badly wanting to hold it all together for everyone. Now? Not at all. I’ll use my natural strength until I can’t anymore and I won’t feel bad about it. God wants us to rely on Him for our strength. He desires for us to live a worry-free life by trusting in Him.

I’m not a supermom most days and if I am, it’s because of God’s strength. I don’t know what you might need God’s strength for but I encourage you to rely on it. Let God take care of the things that trouble you. Rest in Him. Know that you can be vulnerable with Him without the expectation of being strong. I pray that you find comfort in knowing that God welcomes you to let go of your burdens and allow Him to handle them because He loves you!

As always, hugs and love.